I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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