I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
