I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize