I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
