I faked an abortion last night.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
