she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
