We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
