Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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