in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
