I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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