there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
