am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
