There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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