Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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