Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
