Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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