How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
