I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize