I wish I only lived at night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
