OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
