dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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