would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
