I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize