I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
