Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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