I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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