I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Come on in and take your pants off
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