At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
