; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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