My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
