Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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