First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
