Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
