The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
