the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
