You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
