You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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