that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
