I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
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