shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
