corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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