Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
