All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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