What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize