have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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