what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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