My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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