I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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