Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
