Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
