4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize