So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
