I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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