Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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