Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
