whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
