i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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