dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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