Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
