nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
