Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
