So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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