"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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