That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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