How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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