I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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