i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
