Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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