Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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